One of those days.

Yesterday was just one of those days where things are out of wack. Pretty much a bad day, to say the least. I need to vent.
- My boss was rude to me after I did a huge amount of work for him (Do you ever feel embarrassed when you are on the verge of tears at work? I really would not want to cry at work. I had to work up the courage to think about something happy and hold it in.)
- My body was achey and tired and I didn’t feel like myself (completely un-alert and lethargic) because I haven't been able to sleep very well
-Because I was so busy at work I missed a call from a good friend who was driving through town
- And to top it off, Laquetta—our cashier at DI—said (after I told her it was a boy, when she asked) that she “could tell it was a boy because I wasn’t carrying it all in front like most people do with girls.”
What does that mean?! I have to say it made me really sad. It made me feel like not only is my stomach blowing up, but my sides, back, and everywhere else as well. Mitch said I shouldn't listen to batty old women (!) but I still can't help but feel down about a comment like that.

Sometimes I feel as if I’m being tested in my job much more now that I only have a couple months left here before the baby comes. In some ways I feel like the Lord is reminding me that I don’t want to work when I have kids! How could I come home from a day like yesterday at the office and have time to focus on or emotionally think about a little one?

3 years ago this month I started my “career” in advertising when I graduated from BYU. I was hired at a great agency, and for the first bit relatively enamored with the agency world. Quickly, however, I started needing to work extremely long hours, had to learn how to put up with basically incompetent people (do you ever see someone with a job and think, “How does that person have a job?! (Let alone a degree?)). It felt like a shock to realize that industry professionals were not all very professional (or capable, or even intelligent!). I guess you assume everyone cares about doing a good job. Lol. That is not always true. Wow, well to make this not-so-short story come to an end, I would come home miserable a lot of days in those first couple months of a full-time career. It was a weird adjustment going from school—where you have long days but get breaks in between—to using so much brain capacity for 10 hours straight each day.

Though it got much better after a couple months once I got into the routine of things, I remember having the distinct impression, after many late nights, that the Lord was trying to tell me that I didn’t want to work out of the home when I had kids. I’m not sure why I needed to feel this way, but in my family most women work when they have kids. Before I was LDS, and even sometimes through college, I thought I would have a life-long career.

Since that first year of my career, I have since moved to a much better company, received some promotions, and (as I like to think) become a lot more capable. For the past couple of years I’ve always had a lot to manage and done well at my work. I do really care about doing a good job, and I think that has helped me do well, but also kept me from being able to let things go and leave work at work. I am a Research and Brand Planning Manager, meaning I manage all of the market research and brand strategy planning that our agency does… my boss, the director, is a nice guy but sometimes a little clueless about interacting with people. He’ll praise me up and down but then be rude about something small. I again am having those same feelings I felt 3 years ago; I’m thinking I need to have this lesson hit over my head to make it really sink in. Here's to hoping I can smoothly get through the next couple months :)